WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN SOMEONE SAYS, 'YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE' OR “THAT PERSON IS NOT MY TYPE”?

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Stacey Laura Lloyd is an author with a passion for helping others find happiness and success in their dating lives as well as in their relationships.

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1. Dating a "Type" Is Limiting

If you only date a certain type of person, you limit the number of people who could potentially be right for you. And while you shouldn’t lower your standards or feel lượt thích you’re settling, you should open your mind and give other people a chance—even though they don’t necessarily fall inkhổng lồ your usual dating category. After all, you simply don’t know who you’re going to lớn mesh with, và that’s true for people who are your type or not. "Statistically speaking, if we reduce the dating pool to lớn singles who meet strict physical và monetary criteria, our odds of meeting someone who also possesses the personality traits that are conducive to lasting happiness significantly decrease," says Curry.


2. You’re Prematurely Judging Someone

Along these lines, if you only date people you consider khổng lồ be your ikhuyến mãi type, you’re passing judgment on them before taking the time to get to lớn know them, which is especially easy khổng lồ vày with online dating. And in today's ứng dụng và online dating world where the information provided by a potential match can be sparse, you may be missing out on meeting someone truly great by evaluating them under such rigid standards.


"Once you are consciously aware that dating people who are your type doesn't equate to happiness, you can open your eyes that what is familiar is not necessarily good. Try not to lớn judge people quickly but rather allow the relationship lớn grow and become more comfortable with change," says Menlo Park, California-based psychologist Diane Strachowski, Ed.D.

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Katie Lear, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, says that "identifying what you want out of a relationship and comtháng warning signs that you're falling into lớn familiar patterns in advance can help to combat this."


3. You’re Stuck in an Unhealthy Relationship Pattern

Another important reason why it’s in your best interest to lớn date someone who isn’t your typical type is that it can help break a detrimental relationship pattern. In fact, you may not even realize that you’re dating the same kind of person over again, such as continually dating someone who can’t or won't commit, or whom you’re trying khổng lồ fix. "That being said, if you’ve experienced a pattern of chaotic, deceitful, abusive sầu, or uncaring dating experiences, then I would urge you to lớn seek some guidance from a licensed mental health provider," says Curry. "A competent và qualified therapist can help you work through underlying issues that may be standing in the way of the relationship you want."


4. You’ll Challenge Your Comfort Zone

While scanning online profiles for a specific "look" has become a quiông chồng way to lớn navigate through thousands of options, says Julie Ingenohl, a Glastonbury, Connecticut-based Licensed Marriage và Family Therapist, "when we consistently opt for looks first, we miss out on the big picture. Who is this person? What are their strengths as a human being? What kind of heart vày they have? Will they treat me right?" Ingenohl's suggestion, particularly with online dating is this: "Scan until you find someone who is not your typical type. Continue to look at their picture until you find one attractive sầu feature, then click & read their profile. In this way, you can begin to retrain your brain on how it finds beauty."


Turn off any unnecessary filters you might have sầu mix on your dating apps—this alone can help you branch out và connect with someone you might not have sầu otherwise.


5. You May Not Know Who’s “Right” For You

It's true: Your type may actually be wrong for you. While you may be looking to lớn meet someone who shares all of your interests, has a similar background and/or is just like you, it’s important khổng lồ keep an open mind. The key to keeping an open mind, says Lear, is taking the time lớn analyze past relationships và look for similarities. For example, "Do I tover lớn be attracted lớn guys who come on really svào at first, & then ghost me in a few weeks? Do I keep chasing men who are more aloof và distant than I am?" offers Lear.


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The Keys to a Satisfying Relationship

When it comes to relationship satisfaction, Curry references the work of psychologist Ty Tashiro, who identified personality traits that tover lớn be associated with it, including high levels of agreeableness (kind, tolerant), emotional stability, & lower levels of novelty-seeking. "While these traits may not sound as sexy as a combination of good looks, wealth, và adventurousness, Tashiro's retìm kiếm has shown that couples who rate their partners higher in the stable stuff have sầu the strongest levels of intimacy & sexual satisfaction," says Curry. Similarly, psychologists John and Julie Gottman have sầu researched couples for more than five sầu decades to learn that intimacy & sexual satisfaction are strengthened when partners are attuned to lớn each other's needs, says Curry.


It may also be helpful to underst& your attachment style. Referring to lớn the work of Sue Johnson and attachment theory, Games says, "People who approach relationships from a secure based believe sầu that they are deserving of love sầu and that they will find love sầu." What does this look like? Says Games, "They communicate their needs & wants clearly. They are transparent about their dealbreakers & tackle red flags head-on. They also give their partner the benefit of the doubt and extkết thúc grace." Additionally, people with a secure attachment style know how to lớn balance their lives as a couple và their own life outside of the relationship, says Games.

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